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One year ago today, after we had graduated from our fertility doctor to a general obstetrician, after weeks of scans because of a tiny little sac but a perfect and strong heartbeat, we found out we lost our sweet Baby B.
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I knew Veterans Day was the day it happened, so I knew today was coming. I decided the best thing for me to do was to watch the video (which I was filming when she said, “I’m not seeing a heartbeat, so I got to literally relive the exact moment) and the photos, experience my feelings, then get on with my day.
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I’m not going to judge myself and tell myself I “should” or “shouldn’t” think or feel a certain way. I’m going to allow the thoughts to come and go.
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It’s tough, these anniversaries, but I’m going to do what I can to allow myself to experience the memory, the sadness, the loss of a dream, as well as allow those who have reached out to be a part of my healing journey.
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I share my story so others can feel supported in experiencing their feelings as they see fit for them. Be vocal, or don’t. Share about it, or don’t. Do you.
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A friend sent me this today, and I love the symbolism: Grief is a garden where you can go and spend time with your loved one when you need it. It’s always there to visit.