-Sharie Stines, PhD
Are you are in a toxic relationship and find yourself repeating the same old negative patterns over and over again? Do you find yourself feeling like you’re walking on eggshells when your toxic person is in your space? Or when thinking about this particular person do you find yourself feeling knots in your stomach. or tension in your neck?
If you can look at your toxic person as the drug you are addicted to, then the way to heal is to practice a program of recovery from the toxicity of this relationship.
The first step in breaking an addiction is to realize you are addicted, and the second step is abstention. With regards to your toxic relationship, learn to abstain in one of two ways:
(1) Abstain from the relationship completely (no contact); and/or
(2) Abstain from emotional entanglements that are unhealthy.
Following is a list of suggestions for great self-development resolutions.
- I resolve to respect myself.
- I resolve to trust my intuition.
- I will no longer participate in “no win” conversations.
- I will no longer participate in impossible situations.
- If I feel bad around someone I will remove myself.
- I will no longer make every decision a crisis.
- I will live one day at a time.
- I will learn to “reframe” negative experiences. For example, if my toxic loved one chooses to give me the silent treatment, rather than feeling hurt, I will learn to enjoy the peace it brings me.
- I will learn how to manage my emotions, rather than have them control me.
- I will take my power back.
- I resolve to believe in myself.
- If I feel emotionally unstable, I will not call or reach out to my toxic loved one for support. Instead, I will call someone safe.
- I will have compassion for myself.
- I will honor and pay attention to my feelings.
To make your resolutions even simpler, just pick one and commit to focusing on it until it becomes a well-ingrained habit. Just making one simple change, changes everything. After you’ve mastered one of your resolutions, move on to incorporate another one; and so on.