Amplify Wellness with Meg Duke

Schools Out, But the Same Rules Apply!

Tips for preventing summer weight gain in children

Some may blame the school lunch food and lack of recess during the year for the increased rates of overweight and obesity during childhood. With many budget cuts, gym classes are one of the first classes to get the boot. Children end up being sedentary most of the day during school- except when they change classes and go to lunch. Sadly, this sedentary behavior often continues on after school, when many kids go home to play video games or watch TV for most of the night. So now that school is basically out for the summer, kids should not gain excess weight- right? Wrong! Many studies show that kids actually gain more weight in the summer than they do during the school year . So what can be done to prevent excessive weight gain during the summer?

Serve appropriate portions:

Don’t worry- measuring food is not necessary. Measuring food is not realistic in the long term for adults, and it’s definitely not realistic for kids (nor should it be!) and measuring in of it self doesn’t teach kids WHAT foods are healthy. Instead, a good method is to serve children’s food on a 9-inch plate. From there, use the US Department of Agriculture’s (USDA) MyPlate as a guide to what a balanced meal should look like. Trying to eat based on the MyPlate guide is an easy way to ensure the intake of adequate nutrients and eating healthfully, without being so concerned with measuring and weighing.

Treat treats like treats:

Although treats like ice cream and frozen fruit bars are delicious in the summer, remember to keep these high calorie foods as “treats” and not an everyday available snack. Since kids are home during the day, their meal pattern will likely be different than when in school, but this doesn’t mean that all rules go out the window. As the parent or caregiver, you decide the “WHAT”. That means WHAT foods are available for your child to eat during the day is up to you. By having mainly nutrient dense foods around the house during the summer months will help establish healthy eating habits all year round. Limit the amount of calorically dense snacks in the house, but be sure to keep healthier snacks on hand as an alternate. Fresh cold fruit is a delicious summer-time snack, as well as raw veggies with different flavorful dips. Don’t purchase sugar-sweetened beverages like sodas, powdered ice teas or lemonades- instead try some citrus or watermelon infused waters. Brewing some homemade iced tea on your own is another good idea- this will drastically cut down on the added sugar –because remember- just one already prepared 20 oz. ice tea may have the equivalent of 16 packets of sugar!

Go outside:

Source: stock.tookapic/pexels

The summer months in North America are typically warm and humid. Yes, this weather is great if there is a pool or beach around, but if there’s no source of relief from the heat, staying indoors is appealing for many kids. A decrease in physical activity during the summer months is likely a contributor to weight gain. Plus, increased screen time- TV, tablet or phones is very common, and often the hobby of choice for many. Although the America Academy of Pediatrics recommends NO screen time for any child under 2, and less than 2 hours per day for kids older than 2, it is quite obvious that many toddlers start watching TV at a young age, and most kids exceed this recommendation. But, physical activity is a recommended for weight maintenance in kids (as well as adults), so make sure you encourage your kids to stay active. Since children and teens should participate in at least 60 minutes of moderate intensity activity on most days, try to have some ideas planned to make kids want to leave their video games behind- swimming, playing tag, jumping rope, soccer and bike riding are fun ways to meet the recommendations. It is also important to lead as an example. If kids see that their caregiver sits around and watches TV all night and rarely engages in exercise, kids will think this is normal. Having activities planned in advance as a family is a great way to get everyone involved- plus it’s an added calorie burner for adults and likely more fun than going to the gym. Adults know that physical activity is associated with many health benefits like lower rates of cancer and improved heart health, but making the benefits clear to kids is also important. Instead of focusing on weight control and heart disease, make the benefits more relevant to them- building strong bones, getting better at sports, increasing self- esteem, improving mood and decreasing stress are just a few!

Breakfast and Sleep- Don’t skimp on them because it’s summer!

Just because it’s summer vacation, doesn’t mean that kids can’t have some type of schedule. Yes, it’s great to relax and enjoy the summer, but it’s also important to make sure they have some type of routine so that meals aren’t skipped, sleep is not erratic and physical activities don’t disappear.

Source: skeeze/pixabay

Make sure children eat breakfast! Research has shown time and time again that eating breakfast plays a protective role against excessive adiposity in childhood and adolescence. Further, a recent study found that the odds of being obese increase in children who skip breakfast. Besides the relationship between a healthy weight and eating breakfast, eating breakfast is also associated with improved cognition and attention. So, make sure your kids start the day off eating. Some easy and tasty breakfast ideas (besides cereal) include Greek yogurt with sliced seasonal peaches, a whole-wheat waffle with fruit, or reduced fat cream cheese on a whole grain toasted bagel. Busy summer mornings? Make breakfast smoothies the night before with low fat dairy, frozen banana and a scoop of PB for extra protein, or bake eggs in little muffin trays with veggies and cheese- and then just reheat on your way out the door.

In addition to the many benefits of breakfast, adequate sleep is also important. Going to bed very late may be tempting during the summer months, but it does more harm than good. Improving a child’s sleep may also be a strategy employed to mitigate the rise of pediatric obesity. Depending on the age, recommendations for sleep can reach up to 13 hours per day, but most kids don’t reach their recommended amount. Why is sleep so important? Many studies show that the less sleep a child gets, the higher his or her risk is for obesity. Children with less sleep also report increased cravings for calorically dense foods. Further, inadequate sleep is associated with higher consumption of pizza and refined sugars, which we know are not healthy.

In summary, try to stick to a routine and keep a set bedtime schedule. Use MyPlate as a guide for healthy eating and look up local outdoor activities for your child to participate in. These small summer adjustments can help prevent excessive weight gain during these upcoming months!

References:

1. Nestle M. School meals: a starting point for countering childhood obesity. JAMA pediatrics. 2013;167(6):584-585.

2. Moreno JP, Johnston CA, Chen TA, et al. Seasonal variability in weight change during elementary school. Obesity. 2015;23(2):422-428.

3. Hart CN, Cairns A, Jelalian E. Sleep and obesity in children and adolescents. Pediatr. Clin. North Am. 2011;58(3):715-733.

Appreciation is extended to Kristen Criscitelli for drafting this post

The Surprising Benefits of the “Bromance”

Male bonding can make guys healthier, happier, and better dads as well.

Whether it’s a movie starring Vince Vaughn and Owen Wilson, or it’s Joey and Chandler from Friends, Hollywood tends to portray male friendships in a comedic light. But a good “bromance” makes for more than just bachelor parties and fist bumps.

The Health Benefits of Male Friendship

A new study which appeared in Neuropsychopharmacology highlights the benefits of male friendship. Researchers from the University of California, Berkeley, studied how friendship affects male rats. When housed together, male rats frequently displayed aggression toward one another. They often fought over food and water. After experiencing mild stress, however, the rats became more cooperative and increasingly social. They stopped fighting and they treated each other in a much more civil manner. They huddled together and sought comfort from one another. Huddling with the other rates led to increased oxytocin in the brain. Oxytocin, also known as the “feel-good hormone,” appeared to help the rats cope with stress.

The researchers concluded that a good bromance will release oxytocin in the human brain as well—and increased oxytocin can help men live longer, healthier lives. (Although some also refer to oxytocin as “the love hormone,” emotionally intense platonic relationships also increase oxytocin.)

Here are just a few benefits men gain from increased oxytocin in the brain:

Pain relief. Oxytocin has been associated with decreased pain and improved healing speed. Studies show it can even raise your pain threshold.
Lower cortisol levels. Cortisol, the stress hormone, can have harmful effects on your body, ranging from increased abdominal fat to decreased immunity. Studies show oxytocin reduces the amount of cortisol that releases in response to stressful situations.
Increased generosity. Oxytocin has been shown to boost altruism. In one study, participants who received oxytocin were 80% more generous than others who received a placebo.

Why Women Should Encourage Bromance

Some wives and girlfriends may be tempted to complain about the amount of time a man spends with his friends, but a partner’s bromances could actually lead to an improved romantic relationship: The oxytocin which releases when a man spends time with friends promotes social bonding with anyone perceived to be in the individual’s “inner circle.”

A 2012 study in Biological Psychiatry found that oxytocin could help fathers bond more with their babies: Dads who got a boost of oxytocin via a nasal spray played more closely with their babies than dads who didn’t get the spray.

Oxytocin may also help men stay faithful to their partners. One study found that oxytocin led men in monogamous relationships to keep a greater distance between themselves and an attractive woman during an initial encounter. Researchers suspect this may be to avoid signaling romantic interest toward other women.

Male friendship won’t just improve the quality of a man’s life—it just might impact the length of it.

-Amy Morin, LCSW, What Mentally Strong People Don’t Do

Parenting: Alternatives to “No”

I once watched an episode of Modern Family where Cameron and Mitchell insisted no one, including themselves, tell their kiddo, Lily, “no.” Claire, Lily’s aunt, wants to punish Lily for flicking lights on and off in Claire’s home, leading to an argument about the differences in Claire’s and Cameron’s (and Mitchell’s) parenting techniques. Cam gets his hand stuck down the sink drain and panics, since Lily is still running around flicking on and off light switches and blissfully unaware which switches turn on lights and which turn on sink disposals. Claire stands haughtily watching the scene unfurl, feeling her point -that sometimes kids need to be told, “no!”- had been made when Lily flipped on the switch closest to the sink. Fortunately for Cam’s digits, it was just another light switch and his hand was safe. It’s a good episode, worth a watch.

This is a pretty clear example of a time when “NO!!!” is the absolute right response to a child’s behavior, or at least would have been had the disposal switch actually been in Lily’s path of light switch destruction. Strong boundaries set in place by parents lead to stronger children. Rules allow children the chance to better prepared for the real world, where rules will be aplenty. They teach kids how to act in social situations, provide a sense of structure and stability, encourage cooperation and competence, and, as I always tell my clients and students a parent’s Number 1 job is – they keep kids safe. The idea of never telling your kiddo “no” is not only an example of maladaptive, black and white thinking, it also sets children up to be unmanageable students and, down the road, unmanageable employees.

Now we have that settled, there are exceptions to every rule and certain opportunities where alternative, more relaxed interventions are appropriate. A parent’s desire to use a light and breezy tone when able is certainly encouraged by many who work with youngsters. This can allow children to feel empowered in the situation, or that they have choices in what happens next.

When situations arise where, perhaps, a lighter tone might get the job done, here are some suggestions with which you might replace a version of “No!”:

“Stop hitting”              –>          “Please keep your hands to yourself”
“Don’t say that”                    –>          “Please choose another word”
“Quit whining & crying”      –>          “Please use your words”
“I can’t hear you”                  –>          “Please speak louder/more clearly”
“I won’t buy you that”          –>          “Instead of that, what if we ____.”
“Don’t get upset”                  –>          “It’s okay to feel that way, but ____.”
“That’s not for you”              –>          “That’s ____’s. Can I offer you____.”
“Stop playing”                        –>          “Maybe we can play later after ____”/”We have to go.”

Stress Check-In

“Stress is not what happens to us. It’s our response TO what happens. And RESPONSE is something we can choose.” – Maureen Killoran

Everyone experiences stress sometimes. It can sometimes feel like there’s nothing that can be done about stress, but you have more control than you might think. As much as we’d probably like to eliminate stress altogether, we know that all stress cannot be avoided. Although we can’t help running into stress from time to time, we can choose how we respond and take charge. Identifying where your stress is coming from, utilizing healthy ways to cope, and getting positive support can be helpful. What kind of stress have you been experiencing lately?

-Melissa Wildt, LMHC

Living Authentically

“The lies most devastating to our self-esteem are no so much the lies we tell as the lies we live.”

I am living a lie when:

I pretend a love I do not feel
I pretend an indifference I do not feel
I laugh when I need to cry
I spend unnecessary stretches of time with people I dislike
I am kind to everyone except the people I love
I fake beliefs to win acceptance
I allow my silence to imply agreement with convictions I do not share

When I reject myself, I do not grasp that the worst of what I fear from others I have already done to myself – that is, reject me!

When I pretend to be something other than what I am, I cannot win.

For if the false me is accepted, the real me is not; and if the false me is rejected, the real me never even got a shot at being accepted.

If we attach more importance to what other people believe than to what we know to be true, we will not attain authenticity.

Living unathentically is to value a delusion in someone else’s mind above my own knowledge of the truth.

People with low self-esteem have a very low opinion of their own opinion; except their opinion that they’re not “OK!” This opinion is held firmly even in the face of opposing opinions.

-St. Vincent Stress Center

Looking at Relationships After Abuse

It is not necessary that we go looking for the person that we would want to have in our life forever. I don’t think that we need to look at another person and question in our minds whether this is “the one.” It may be better to look at life and meeting new people as something that is fun to do. And if we do that with an open heart, we will “know” whether another person would be someone that we would love to have as a friend. What evolves from there is either a fun thing that we would like to continue or it is a revealing experience of that which we have lived before and don’t ever want to experience again. It is easier after abuse to tell which is which. You have a lot of living and experiences that will serve you very well in knowing who may or may not be right for you. Cautious, yet open to fun.

-Regina Tate, LPC

Cognitive Restructuring – Common Thought Errors that Lead to Depression and Anxiety

Sometimes, we allow ourselves to think in ways that lead us down paths of destruction. Common errors in thought processes can lead to a number of negative symptoms; most notably anxiety and depression!

Disqualifying the Positive – Discounting the good things that have occurred in your life or that you’ve accomplished, saying “that doesn’t count.”

Overgeneralization – Seeing a pattern based on just one event, being overly broad/generalizing about a specific event, one mistake makes you a complete failure. “Everything is always going wrong.” “Nothing good ever happens.”

Mental Filter – Only paying attention to certain types of evidence, picking out the one negative and focusing on it. Noticing your failures while ignoring or overlooking your successes.

Should, Must, Ought – Using critical words like ‘should,’ ‘must,’ or ‘ought,’ when talking to yourself can lead to feelings of guilt and/or failure. These are judgmental and unforgiving expectations that we place upon ourselves. And when we say “she/he should have…,” we set ourselves up for frustration.

Comparisons – Constantly comparing yourself to others, trying to Keep up with the Joneses, placing your value in how you see yourself in relation to others.

Jumping to Conclusions – Mind reading, where we think we know what others are thinking without concerning ourselves with what might actually be happening. Fortune telling, quite simply, we try to predict the future. Emotions control your interpretations rather than a wise mind.

All or Nothing Thinking – Also called black and white thinking, you think in absolutes: “If I’m not perfect, I’m a failure” and “I’ll either do it right or not at all.”

Catastrophizing and Minimizing – Magnifying, blowing things out of proportion are known as catastrophizing, or thinking in catastrophic ways. Downplaying or diminishing the importance of something in an inappropriate way is minimizing.

Emotional Reasoning – Allowing your emotions to dictate your interpretations of situations rather than being objective, assuming that because you feel that way, it must be true. “I feel embarrassed, so I must be dumb,” or “I didn’t get invited to his party – he must not like me.”

Personalization – Blaming yourself, taking responsibility for things that aren’t your fault, assuming if someone has a negative emotion, it is a response to something you’ve done. The opposite of this, of course, being that you blame others for something you know was your own doing.

Labeling – Assigning labels to other people or ourselves, evaluating our self-worth and others’ worth in inappropriate ways “I’m a loser,” “She’s such an idiot,” “stupid,” “fat.”

When you recognize these maladaptive thought patterns as they happen, you will be able to decrease unnecessary stress, anxiety, and depressive symptoms you’re causing yourself by misinterpreting your situations.

Sexual Effects of Sexual Abuse

It is now known that sexual abuse is a primary risk factor in sexual health, dysfunction, and intimacy problems. Some of the more common sexual problems linked to sexual abuse are:

* low sexual desire

* chronic sexual pain

* sexually transmitted infections

* unwanted pregnancy

* compulsive sexual behavior

* hi-risk sexual activity

* erection and orgasm problems

-Talkspace

How to Deal With People Who Drain Your Energy

Stop feeling depleted every time you interact with an energy vampire

Let’s eavesdrop on a conversation with an energy vampire.

THEM:
They insist that you invest your energy in their cause, and their cause always seems hopeless – or it’s just not your cause.

YOU:
To avoid being rude, you accept their agenda. Now your brain mirrors their agitation. And it piles on your own agitation about the time you’ve wasted.

You feel depleted when you finally break free from this interaction. You resolve to make it different next time. Let’s eavesdrop on the next time.

THEM:
They insist that their cause is righteous and any good person would surely agree.

YOU:
You start to raise objections, but they become more insistent so you decide to save time by going along. You end up depleted.

To change this dynamic, you need to understand your mammalian herd impulse. In the state of nature, mammals live in groups for protection from predators. Natural selection built a brain that constantly seeks safety in numbers. When you mesh with the person in front of you, your mammal brain releases the nice safe feeling of oxytocin. If you refuse to mesh with that person, your mammal brain alarms you with fear of isolation, which means instant death in the state of nature. You’re not consciously thinking this in words, but the brain we’ve inherited turns on threat chemicals when we separate from the herd.

But it’s complicated. Oxytocin is only released when you connect to someone you trust. If you don’t trust that person, your brain turns on the bad feeling of cortisol. Today, cortisol is called the “stress chemical,” but in the state of nature it signals pain and the anticipation of pain. So meshing with someone you don’t trust triggers the anticipation of pain, but distancing triggers fear of losing your herd. What’s a big-brained mammal to do?

You can re-wire the circuits that control these chemicals. You can wire yourself to feel safe when you distance yourself from your herd or pack or troop. It’s harder than you may think, alas, because slashing a new trail through your jungle of neurons is harder than flowing down the neural superhighways you built long ago.

It’s frustrating to think that your neurochemistry got wired in youth, but the reasons are obvious in the animal world. Reptiles leave home the instant they’re born because they’re already hard-wired with the life skills they need. Mammals are born helpless and build their survival skills during a period of early dependence. We mammals are not pre-programmed with the experience of our ancestors; we wire ourselves from our unique individual experience. The bigger a mammal’s brain, longer its childhood, because neurons take time to connect in useful ways. By the time you face that energy vampire, some of your neurons became super-highways while others got pruned.

Everyone gets wired to fear isolation because the threat is real in your early experience. This fear can waste a lot of your energy until you wire in an alternative. Fortunately, you can do that by repeating a new thought or behavior every day without fail for 45 days. Your old circuit will always be there, but your new circuit will grow big enough to start feeling natural.

So what new thought or behavior will you choose? There’s no easy answer because you still face the unfortunate choice between meshing with a person you don’t really trust, and refusing to mesh and risking isolation. But our brain evolved to meet survival needs, and it rewards you with a good feeling when you meet a need. If you believe you are meeting your needs, you will feel good. Let’s eavesdrop on a new encounter with the energy vampire.

THEM:
They broadcast an inflamed view of a situation and insist on your agreement.

YOU:
“Interesting. I’ll think it over.”

THEM:
“But don’t you see…” they persist.

YOU:
In the past you would have felt alarm when you resisted the pressure to sync with this person. But you have spent the last 45 days activating the idea that you are safe with or without their approval. Each day for 45 days, you have reminded yourself that you have built effective survival skills, and you will be able to meet your needs with or without this person’s support. But you don’t want to be rude….so you’re still tempted to donate your energy to their cause.

THEM:
They shame you for not “getting it” faster and for failing to trust them.

YOU:
That’s enough. Your brain weighs this new bit of information along with the others. You are confident that you have acted like a worthy member of the herd, and you are confident of your steps away from the herd too. You decide when to step back and how far, and it feels good.

Congratulations! You have held on to your energy!

You may think it’s selfish to focus on your needs, but it’s the job your brain evolved to do. If you invest your energy in the needs of the energy vampire instead, your brain will alarm you with cortisol. This doesn’t mean you should follow your short run impulses, since long-term consequences trigger cortisol if you don’t account for them. It means your brain will reward you with a good feeling if you stay focused on your needs, whether others consent or not.

Loretta G. Breuning, PhD

What Forgiveness is, Really.

The idea of forgiveness is a common misconception amongst a number of my students and clients. When I mention the word “forgiveness” in response to a client’s experience of a particularly nasty betrayal, I’m frequently either laughed at or met with irritability. The thing is, forgiveness is not dropping the subject and never broaching it again.

Forgiveness is:
understanding that you’ve been wronged, maliciously or unintentionally, by another and deciding to let go of hanging onto the bitterness, resentment and other emotions linked to the incident (which, by the way, you have every right to feel). It is making the conscious effort to extend grace, beneficence, and compassion to the wrongdoer, even though that person is entitled to absolutely none of it (Enright & Fitzgibbons, 2000).

Forgiveness is absolutely not:
simply saying the words and moving on. It’s not pardoning the behavior of the perpetrator, particularly if malice was involved. It’s not making an excuse or justifying what happened, it’s not letting go of any and all resentment one might feel about the incident, it’s not seeking revenge or holding onto a debt owed by the one who harmed you, and it certainly is not simply deciding, “I’m over it.”

Get off the hook.
One of my favorite pieces of forgiveness psychoeducation I use that is fantastic for kiddos and adults alike is the metaphor of a giant fishing hook. Hanging onto bitterness is like putting yourself on that fishing hook, the same way you’d put on a shrimp or a worm. After you’ve put yourself on, you add your offender. As you might imagine, being on a pointed, metal hook is incredibly painful. Not to mention, where you go, so does your perpetrator – you know, since you’ve put both of you on that same hook.

The only way out of this nasty situation and get yourself off that hook is to allow the person who wronged you off first. By keeping him or her on the hook, you’re opening yourself up to a lengthy stay in an unhappy place.

It’s time to retrain our brains to understand what forgiveness is, really. Allow yourself to move on from negative people and the pains of the past in order to live a more fulfilling and open life. Recognize the emotions you have related to the injury, stop the thoughts of revenge, put yourself in the other person’s shoes (can be difficult, I know), make the conscious decision to accept the hurtful emotions caused by the betrayal, and let the person off your hook.

MegAnne Duke, LCSW, LCDCi